I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
