saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
