he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
