I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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