I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
