i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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