My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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