The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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