How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
