ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
