i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
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mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
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I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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