You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
