What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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