I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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