Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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