I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Operation Purity has been aborted
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Every concussion has its silver lining
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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