is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
