I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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