need another drink. this is the easiest way
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
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he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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