who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
