like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
