I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
