he shaved USA in his pubs
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
