Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
