doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
