I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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