Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
