I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
