only if we run a train.
done.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
