Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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