I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
