i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
