Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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