last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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