Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
