He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
