Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
