I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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