ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
