Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
