just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
