I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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