I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
