Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
