I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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