hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
