You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
