this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
