Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
