guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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