listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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