I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
