How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
