I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
being pregnant is like rehab
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
