God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
