even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
