Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
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If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina