One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.