I smell stomach acid.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?