ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship