I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell