Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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