The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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