I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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