I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
