and you said cock pushups were impossible
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
