So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
