Michael Bay diarrhea
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
