Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
