I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
