Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
